Issue No. 5 – September 2014
Yes, he agreed, it was about time he found out once and for all. And so, with the rest of them watching, he lay down on the kitchen table, opened the green and yellow plastic bag beside him, and dug into his stomach with the edge of a tortilla chip.
Yes, there was the pain of needles in his navel, and he felt it also in his throat and in his feet and in the tip of his penis, but it was better than not knowing, he thought. And so, wincing, he dug the chip deeper and stirred it around in there, in the guacamole of his flesh, the salsa of his entrails, while the others watched and waited.
And once he scooped the ideal scoop, he brought it to his lips, for a taste of the real thing.
Parable from the Flight Deck
Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I say unto you, he who has taken part in the miracle of flight shall have everlasting [unintelligible] amen, amen I say to you, in this aircraft, which is my body, I have uhhhhhhhh borne you safely across great distances [unintelligible] blessed are the uhhhhhhhh SkyPlus rewards members, for theirs is [unintelligible] take this, all of you and remain seated [unintelligible] uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh though you fly through skies of great turbulence, you shall uhhhhh fear no evil [unintelligible] a certain rich passenger was seated in first class, and was allowed to uhhhhhhh board first [unintelligible] thrice he denied his neighbor from coach class the loaves of bread, and thrice [unintelligible] amen I say to you, the rich man does sit in the uhhhhhh first class of my body, but he shall be the last to disembark the uhhhhhhhhhh aircraft [unintelligible] and he who becomes a frequent flier shall [unintelligible] my blood, which will be fuel for you and for all, so that the flight shall uhhhhhhhh [unintelligible] blessed are the business class, for [unintelligible] and as we begin our initial descent uhhhhhhhhhhhh surely goodness and love will follow you all the days of your life, and I thank you for flying [unintelligible] forever and ever [unintelligible].
When Jeffrey Chatterbones walks you can hear him coming because of the chatterbones. He shakewalks like one of those wind-up-shake-denture-toys, the ones with the feet that let them shakewalk like Jeffrey Chatterbones. If you hear Jeffrey Chatterbones shakewalking toward you, turn and run away as quickly as you can. Because if Jeffrey Chatterbones sees you, he will shakerun at you and try to touch you with his chatterfingers. And if his chatterfingers touch you, you will begin to shake too. First you will feel it in your teeth, then in your face, then in your shoulders, and soon your whole body will become a chatterbones body. And in your ears you will hear a sound like the sound a quarter makes when it falls to the floor and tinshivers quicker and quicker until it settles only the sound in your ears will never settle and it will keep tinshivering in your ears forever.
Héctor Ramírez is a writer and teacher living in Boulder, CO. He received a B.A. in Literary Arts from Brown University and is currently an MFA candidate at the University of Colorado, where he received the 2013 Jovanovich Imaginative Writing Award. He reads fiction submissions for Timber and is lead staff writer at Vannevar (www.vannevar.net). More of his flash fictions can be found at The Café Irreal.